by Caitlyn "The Hat" Garrison

When you've spent the last day plus in airports with no sleep and carrying everything to your name, there are several things that you don't particularly want to hear. "Where is our hostel?" is one. "You can't check in for at least another three hours" is another. But at the top of the list is "Here's the textbook; you're guiding the first walking tour." You especially don't want to hear "By the way, the tour is in Soho." When you've never been to Soho before, the idea of guiding tours in that notorious district is a little intimidating, not to say, distressing. So here are some handy tips for the next time you have to lead jet-lagged students (including yourself) around a city you've been in for a grand total of two hours.

• Your textbook has a map. While handy with street names, it is not to scale at all.
  
  
  
• All the pubs talked about in the guide will be closed. You are on your own for lunch.
  
  
  
• Don't walk down small alleys in Soho. The advertising is very, very up-close and personal.
  
  
  
• Sometimes it is worth going out of your way to see a historic plaque with no real significance to you. But not when it is the sixteenth time this has happened and you're only a third of the way through the walk.